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The Forge Experience
Listen, if you read my blogs I am always putting you in my business more deeply than I do with others because of my love of journaling and writing. If you read them in their entirety I am giving you all my tea as my girls would say and the juice with some gems that I learned along the way.
As I sit here in my FORGE season and watch the manifestation of what God said I am in tears as I write this to you my sister in Christ. I am in awe of God. Back in January, I shared with you how we were preparing for 2024 and how I found out some news from my doctor and had to have surgery.
Preparing for 2024
There is a new movie out called THE FORGE. I have not seen the movie yet, but my husband and I were preparing for a curriculum that we created for our business mentorship program that is designed for junior high and high school teenage boys. Long story short, as part of this curriculum we will be teaching three ways to become self-confident: Recognizing your Fears, Facing your fears, and Forging your future. As he looked up the definition for the word Forge it blew our minds. The word Forge means to make or shape (a metal object) by heating it in a fire or furnace and heating or hammering it. We both almost had a holy ghost fit, meaning I wanted to take off running and shouting to the heavens for this because FORGE has been what our entire life has felt like especially this year. When I say it would take me all day to share the full story, but for now I will share bits and pieces.
Let’s talk about it….
As I stated in January’s email I had to have surgery back in December of 2023 due to me having a feeling from God that something was going on in my body, which they found per-cancer. I also shared how God told us to be intentional about our 2024 and how our Spiritual Father shared some key things that confirmed what God told us to do. Just to give a snippet for now of what our Spiritual Father shared…. He told us that we didn’t have time to waste in 2024 because an abundance was coming and to be intentional about our 2024. Listen it was more that he shared that we are now living in right now, but I can’t share now, we are still in the prophecy and once it finishes manifesting, you know I will share in another email (so go on the journey with me by reading my emails in full lol).
Again I heard God say to go to the doctor in November 2023 and I had my first surgery in December of 2023, but also in January God told me I would need surgery again and I did not accept that because I did not want to have this procedure because of the things that I have heard from people. Around July 2024 I knew something was going on in my body again, so I went to the doctor. They did an ultrasound on my ovaries and found out that multiple fibroid formed again after the 1st surgery and the civics started to become thick, which meant that the cancer was trying to form again. My doctor said I have to have surgery soon and they scheduled my surgery to have an XI Robotic Assisted Laparoscopic Hysterectomy with Bilateral Salpingectomy aka a partial Hysterectomy. I was totally against this kind of surgery because of the scary stories I heard about hysterectomies. I was completely uneducated about this procedure and listening to the uneducated statements of others.
Well, I started to do the history of my family. Most of my family had to have this done between the ages of 35-45. No one told me or explained to me why I was having this problem in my family, I was low-key mad at them for not educating the young girls and women in our family, but I realized the shame that so many of my family carried and kept their experience a secret. At the age of 32, I remember the doctors telling me that I needed to have one, but I told them no I have a young husband lol. But If I knew what I know now I would have done it only because of the things that I have experienced after that.
The reason for this email blog is not to share with you the manifestation of the prophecy that our Spiritual Father shared yet, which will come later once we see the end of the manifestation of God’s hand. This email is to share with you the awareness of listening to your body as a woman. Believe me, this abundance has been an overflow of blessings, but during this blessing, the attack has been real. When I say the devil will not get credit for the FORGE experiences we have had this year. Listen, we have been through the fire and back in the fire this year, which could not happen unless God allowed it. When I say he has allowed family, friends, and much more to be a part of those fires some good and baby some really bad. For those bad FORGE experiences with others, we don’t have time to stop and explain our why, so we stay purpose-focused.
But this part of the FORGE experience for me with my health has been a very shaky experience for me mentally. You may say girl you have been through this before, but I must say this was different for me. When the doctors say the cancer is trying to form again. It’s different and I can’t explain it, my faith was not shaken, but my fear of the aftermath was mentally draining.
When I became aware that something was going on with my body the 1st time in November 2023, I noticed movement in my stomach that felt like a baby moving. Your girl thought, wait now, my husband is fixed and I can’t get pregnant, but I have heard the stories of women getting pregnant even though their husbands have a vasectomy. I knew in my spirit that it was more and I shared with my husband the C word that I did not want to call to the atmosphere of my home, but I knew something was wrong. I immediately scheduled an appointment with my PCP and OB-GYN, to get blood work done and to get a Pap smear. I knew if I did this the test would show any results that may be happening in my body.
I want to share with you some of the symptoms that I experienced and to bring awareness to these symptoms. Please know I am not a doctor and everyone’s body is different, but I still pray this brings awareness.
The symptoms I was feeling were:
Fatigue
Nausea
Migraines (which was not normal)
Heavy menstrual cycles, which I found out were not normal especially if you have iron deficiency.
Iron issues, which I have been hospitalized for (Since the age of 35 I was getting Iron infusion once a year, when I turned 42 I started getting two iron infusions a year… not good)
All this was causing me to go into early per-menopause.
When I say for the last four years I would be miserable every month due to these symptoms. I would have bad migraines that would make me nauseated and sometimes not be able to keep food down. I would have to be in a room that was fully dark while sitting up with a hot towel on my head that would help with the pain and throbbing from the headaches. This would go on for three days or more at a time. At times, I would be terrified thinking I would not wake up from these headaches, my family would check on me to make sure I was okay because I asked them to make sure I was still breathing. Yes, it would be that bad every month during my menstrual cycle. I would have moments when I would get dizzy and have to sit down. I would be at church and would have to go upstairs to our offices while the church was going on because I would be in so much pain. I would have cramps that would put me in a fetal position that would have me crying because of the pain.
Now, don’t get me wrong, your girl is a soldier and I always say keep pushing and faith-ing it because I did it. I was still a wife, mother, Pastor, mentor, and serial entrepreneur with multiple businesses. On those days that were normal for me to function, I would continue to create and build those things that God designed me to do for ministry and our businesses. Even while finding out this information about this surgery, I was mentoring the 6 month BAM Program and writing a new book. Wait, I am in tears of awe because the day before the surgery I was writing the new book and having meetings with my mentee that are in the process of writing their book. I will always encourage women to win in their pain and keep pushing their purpose, but believe me while pushing women to do their purpose, I am doing the same for me first. So, yes I still say whatever you have going on in your life is just a distraction to keep you distracted from your destiny, it’s no excuse to quit on your dreams. But I must be honest, the enemy won my mind for a moment….
After sharing my story with some of the younger women in my family, I found out that some of them had already had this procedure done at the ages of 35-45. I did not know if I should be mad or what. There were some this year that had to have the procedure done because this is generic and runs through our family. After being at one of our family functions one of my older cousins told me about this generic issue. I was open to learning the history of my family so that I could share this with my girls now to prepare them. We had a cousin in her late thirties who died just two years ago because this issue with our ovaries runs in our family. I refused to allow that to happen to anyone else in my family without letting them know my journey and the importance of going to the doctor. I learned during this process to listen to my body and go to the doctor. Listen my sister in Christ, listen to your body, and don’t get so busy that you don’t go because of your schedule, what you are doing can wait, your family would rather you still be here with them because you took out the time to go to the doctor.
Here’s my TRUTH Moment with you…..
During my first surgery, I was very secretive as a leader. I did not want anyone speaking against me or what God was doing. But for those who are close to me, I did not want anyone to know what was going on due to the spirit of shame. Listen, I heard all of the myths from others that when you have a hysterectomy you will lose your desire in the bedroom. You are no longer a woman anymore because they take everything that is designed for you to perform as a woman. I heard so many negative things about a hysterectomy. I started to sit in shame (in tears). I started feeling like I could not give my husband what he desired the most, me. I was going into a deep depression. I started to feel some type of way and that’s why I did not want to listen to God at the beginning of the year when he said you will have to have this surgery. I tried everything else to fix my problems that the doctor gave me as other ways to make sure that the cancer did not come back. I tried the Mirena IUD and when the symptoms got so much worse I had no other choice. I had a menstrual cycle for three months straight and I heard God say that’s enough, I told you that you will have to do this. If I told you that means I have plans for you that are unimaginable (tears).
What do you do when you don’t have any other choice but to do what God said you would have to do for your health? Even if you feel shameful and fearful. Sidebar, my amazing husband was there not judging, letting me know how much he loves me and how he would take care of me, but most of all how the things I was worried about he could care less about because he loved me. He reminded me that he’s here through sickness and health. I love some of him.
Even though he said those things I was still walking around in shame, but did not know this was something that was inherited by the family. The older woman that was in my family that had this procedure done walked around secretly about this procedure and their words were I just didn’t want to talk about it. I started praying because I started to recognize this as a spirit of shame and that is what the devil who wanted me to stay in this place of depression and shame. I was ashamed that I had to get this done, ashamed that I felt too young to have this procedure, and ashamed that I may change mentally and physically. Listen, don’t judge me, I was only worried about pleasing my husband, baby I have a young and handsome husband, and when I say we have not been together for just love for 29 years lol. No, seriously he was my biggest supporter and has been there. Pause, husband if you read this love you more than you will ever know for loving me.
God started sending women to me who would share their experiences and how they were so much better after their surgery, how they still had desires and much more. God started putting me in conversations and rooms of women having this conversation about hysterectomy and partial hysterectomy, but most of their experiences. When I say I would get calls from those in my circle sharing their expertise. The icing on the cake was my mother and spiritual mother encouraging me through the process. God started putting those in my life to speak life into my situation and it started tearing down the wall of the LIES that the enemy was creating in my mind.
Lastly, since my surgery, yes I had the surgery about 3 weeks ago, and when I say I feel so much better. After the surgery I had some women call to check on me and I started sharing my story with some of them and the ones God led me to share my story with. They were experiencing the same thing. They are now going to the doctor and becoming aware of what they are experiencing, but most of them have appointments and are going to the doctor. The more I shared with other women who would call me they would share with me their experiences and I realized this is a common procedure and nothing to be ashamed of. I also realized that those who shared with me the stories had this procedure years ago and some were uneducated with the new and improved technology. Some of the women I listened to had not even had the procedure, and were the ones against getting this procedure the most. Meaning they never had the procedure. I listened to people again who were ignorant of this experience. Nothing against them, but I should have done my research and gone to my doctor for a professional opinion, which is what I finally did.
Listen, the enemy knew if he could get me to become secretive about my experience it would keep my mouth closed and other women who are connected to me would become his victim, he almost won. But, now baby your girl is telling everyone I know who wants to hear my story of this experience and I started with my email blog first.
I know I am still recovering. I don’t know what will happen on this journey, but as I go on this journey I am taking notes and you know me I will turn this pain into purpose and this purpose into a passion that will help women on their journey. So stay tuned lol.
Lastly, I want to encourage you by bringing awareness and sharing with you my experience and testimony that no matter how many FORGE experiences you have in your life, if God said it Listen and do it. Allow God to shape and model you while you are in a fire situation, it will be a life-changing experience. Go through every step, educate yourself, and talk to a professional for something within your physical and mental health, but if it’s spiritual get with your spiritual leaders to guide and hold you accountable. If it was not for my perfect circle (my husband’s new series) I would have lost my mind, but because I had my amazing family, my mother, my spiritual mother, my church family, and my doctor who is a Christian.
In closing, I am on a journey of recovery and healing. Every day is better than the day before. As I go on this journey I will share my experience, you never know it may be in my new book coming soon. Keep me in your prayers as I identify who I am now after this procedure. But most of all continue to keep my family in your prayers as we walk in this abundance of overflow that our character will be built and that we learn everything we can to share with others God’s goodness and his grace.
Your sister in Life, Love & Prosperity,
Tonya Harden
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